How We Talked About Sex To Our Children?

Sexual intercourse is one of the topics we find very difficult to discuss to our offspring as parents. Many failed to influence their children in making right decisions concerning it by not giving proper and serious answer to the questions being raised. My husband and I are one of those who failed when asked about it for the first time by our eldest child.

We cannot give professional opinion on how parents should teach sex to their children. We are just sharing our actual experiences and our personal opinion on the matter as parents for 21 yrs. We hope that you enjoy reading and that you would be able to get some lessons from our parental journey.

How We Answered When Asked ‘How Was I Created?’?

We are gifted with four children. Our first born is already in college and our youngest is only 9 years old. The first question raised to us by our eldest was how he was created. He was 6 years old then. He asked this as his young mind was disturbed when he heard the story of creation from the Bible in school.

Immaturely, when my husband received the question, the first thing that came to his mind was sex. He felt uncomfortable with the question because he did not know how to address it properly. What he did was just smile, shook his head and said I don’t know. When I learned about this, I was relieved that I was not the one asked by our child.

Two years later, my husband got wiser and performed better with our second child. We were dining at home when our second son asked the same question. My husband answered that he was created by God thru us, his parents. That we love each other very much so we got married, lived together and reproduced  him and his brother.   He also said, that he will tell him more about it when he grows up and that as for now he should only listen to him and to me, his mother about the matter. Those were also our answers to our 2 daughters the time they asked the same question.

My husband and I realized that our children should know and feel that they were created out of love and that love started from our Creator. We believed that we should instill in their minds that reproduction is a very beautiful gift from GOD which we must give value and respect. That sexual intercourse should be done with love, within marriage and after the wedding.

How we answered when our teen–ager child asked about sexual – intercourse?

 Again, our eldest child, was the first to ask about sex and he threw the question because almost all of his classmates were talking about it. This time I was the one who received the question because his dad was out working.  I was so unprepared that I over reacted and asked him immediately if he was doing it already or if he intended to do it with someone. I knew he sensed that I was too worried about it and I realized later that I frightened him.

I regretted later that my reaction was overboard. I should have done better by not accusing my son. I should have listened to him calmly and answered him maturely. I should have replied to him that sex is done by married couples who are matured enough to handle the responsibilities of having children and raising a family.

That doing sex immaturely and impulsively has consequences such as unwanted pregnancy, infection of venereal disease, inability to finish college, poverty and many other frustrations. That sex when done in the proper time and with the proper person gives lasting joy.

How We Answered The Next Question Of How Is Sex Actually Done?

I let my husband answer this question when our sons asked about it and he let me answer when it was our daughters who did.  This is one example of how a husband and wife must work together in parenting their children. Ideally, a father should teach his sons how to relate to women and mothers should teach her daughters how they should relate to men.

Also, a father should give her daughter ideas how a man feels and think about women and a mother should give his son ideas about how women thinks and feels about men.

So how did we tell our children on how sex is done? We simply told them the truth in a straightforward manner.   My husband told our sons that the sexual organ of a man while erected should be pushed in to the sex organ of a woman and then pulled out partly. This pushing-in and pulling-out must be repeated until sperm cells comes out of the male organ. The sperm cells will then fertilize the female egg cells from the woman’s body starting the phases of of reproduction.

 My husband,   reminded our sons that sexual intercourse must be done out of love and not because of lust, that both the man and the woman consensually want to do it, that they both agreed to accept the responsibility arising from it and that the right thing to do is to have sex within marriage only.

I told my daughter almost the same things except that I strongly emphasized that the greatest wedding present that their husband could receive is her purity. I told her to keep her virginity until their first night.

What Did We Tell Our Sons And Daughter About Condom And Other Contraceptives?

My husband told our children that abstinence is still the best way to protect yourself from any venereal disease and AIDS. Premarital sex and sex outside marriage must always be avoided.

He told our kids that a condom is a thin rubber pouch that is worn by men to prevent pregnancy and infection of venereal diseases.  The problem with condom, he said,   is that it promotes promiscuity. Promiscuity is an ugly, immoral and deadly trait to acquire.  It is not healthy and not morally upright  to have sex with anyone you meet and like.

I told my children that contraception or preventing pregnancy does not totally solve problems that many says can be attributed to over population.  There are many ways to solve poverty, joblessness and homelessness and using contraception is not really the answer. I told them that virtues like kindness, caring, honesty, generosity and love are the real answers to the woes of people today.

Finally, parents are the biggest influencers of their children. Whatever the child becomes in the future reflects mostly how he or she was raised.

We hope you learned something from our sharing. Please let us know your thoughts and leave your comments below. If you liked this article, please forward it to your friends and together let us share True Home Joy.

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